2004-05-12: Prepare for explosive information decompression! This is the Wednesday edition of Dom farting everything onto a few pages worth of information so he doesn't forget it.

So here's how the day went, in order.

At around 7 AM, I woke up and started staring at the ceiling, waiting for either Greg or Cliff to wake up so I could pee in their rooms.

Wait. That sounded wrong. I wanted to pee in their BATHrooms. Because each of those two schmucks has a bathroom in their bedroom, and because I'm me, I was sleeping on the couch. But this is Beverly Hills, so it was at least a posh fold-out couch. Yeah, I realize I just said the words "posh" and "fold-out couch" in the same sentence without any sense of irony.

So anyway, around 8 or so I actually got to pee. And, uh... yeah, it was in bathroom, sure. *eyes the sink warily*

Around 9 or so, we left for the convention center, which was a dumb, dumb mistake. Because this is LA, and going 6 miles takes more than an hour. Asses, I hope this entire region reverts back to Mexico, so they can have it as their problem instead of the Governator's.

Or something.

So anyway, at 10:30 I had an appointment with Activision. Technically, I had the appointment at 10, but at 10 I was on The 10 staring at the words Convention Center, literally close enough to spit on it but stuck on a raised highway. I was seriously ready to jump out of Greg's car, yell "I REGRET NOTHING!" and hop off the highway, hoping to jump far enough to splatter into the convention center and while I would be dead, I would not be late.

Anyway. The Activision thing. I got to see DomDoom 3 for the Xbox, which thankfully plays like Halo. Thank God people have learned that the Halo control scheme is the right control scheme for FPS games on the Xbox. I picked up the controller and was in it insantly, which mildly surprised the id people.

Then I went to see Safety Monkey at the Nintendo booth, where I took the briefest of glances at Paper Mario 2, Resident Evil 4 and... uh... that was about it. Because then we went to the Elixir Studios booth in West Hall to see Evil Genius, which is one of only two games I saw today that I know I'll eventually buy. Because dammit, the concept is just that cool. And knowing that every single device in the game is a death trap of some sort (even the library stacks) gives me pleasure. Lots of pleasure. Mmmm, evil. Yay evil. I like evil, as you may be able to tell by the number of instances of the word evil in the previous few sentences. Evil evil evil.

So anyway. I'll be buying Evil Genius when it comes out in September, and cultivating my evil (and volcanic) lair. I await the arctic palaces they will add in the expansion. And more evil torture devices.

At 1 I went to the Microsoft booth. Where I was able to play a little bit of Jade Empires, Forza Motorsport and Fable. Fable makes me wet. But I won't automatically buy it because I no longer have an Xbox, which makes me dry again. Jade Empires, meanwhile, I'll buy anyway for reasons I will explain after this.

So then after seeing Microsoft at 1 it was 2:30 or so and time to see my Bioware buddies in West hall. Blessedly, I had my first twenty or so minutes of free time here. And Bioware gave me pretzels, and those pretzels were the first solid food of the day for me. I will love Bioware forever for those pretzels. Well, okay, I'll love Bioware forever for reviving the Star Wars franchise as we know it, creating a couple of the best RPGs ever, and for letting me know that MDK stands for Murder Death Kill. Then they showed me Jade Empires again, adamantly refusing to admit that they ripped off 1942/1943/19XX for their minigame, but oh well I get to shoot stuff in between levels in Jade Empire. Shooters make Dom happy. Except when they're made by Treasure and they make Dom weep like a beaten puppy. But still a happy beaten puppy. I don't know what I just wrote. Edit after a good night's sleep: Jade Empire is the second game I know I'll buy, in case you're wondering

After meeting with BioWare, giving Stanley Woo of BioWare QA a noogie and steadfastly avoiding beer because I was on an empty stomach and I'm ASIAN DAMMIT AND CAN'T HOLD MY LIQUOR. I can't remember where the previous sentence was going so I'll start again.

After that I went to Atlus. Atlus gave me a poster signed by some artist dude. I also noticed that Atlus' version of Dante for Shin MegaTen Nocturne has more clothes on than Capcom's version of Dante for DMC III. I don't know what to make of that since the hero of the game is wearing nothing but tattoo looking demon things. Anyway, they also showed me Phantom Brave, but the important thing is that Nippon Ichi Software now has a US division and they're going to distribute Nippon Ichi games from now on. Good luck to them and I hope you make less games about singing puppets and koudouryoku. Trust me, don't ask, Rhapsody was weird. But Phantom Brave is cool because you can make it rain fish on your enemies. And you can also pick them up and beat their allies to death with them. That makes Dom happy.Edit after a good night's sleep: The most important thing about this appointment was that Atlus fed me... yes, boys and girls, my first non-pretzel solid food (The pretzels were at BioWare) came at 4 PM in Atlus' room. I will love them forever for this.

After that I went to InXile , because I was informed that they're making another Bard's Tale game. so, that sucker is on the Baldur's Gate Dark Alliance system and has a very twisted wonderful sense of humor. Because Brian Fargo and Robert J Woodhead pretty much created the American RPG, and after long enough, Brian Fargo decided that he was going to make a great deal of fun of his baby. Because the baby, in his mind, is a twisted mass of cliché and is ripe for mockery. So of course he got Cary Elwes to do the voice of the Bard and make fun of every RPG made pretty much ever.

End rant. This thing will only get longer on Thursday Night. Because I'm pretty much having a baby named information and I need a C-section bad. And I'm sure you didn't need that image in your head. If you'll excuse me I'd like to collapse in a heap in the corner and take perhaps an hour of free time before dying. Thank you and good night.

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So here I am in LA. Well. To be specific, I'm in Beverly Hills watching Safety Monkey play Splinter Cell on a hotel TV, waiting to play City of Heroes after I finish this rant, so I guess it'll be quick.

On the way down I-5, I spent a lot of time spacing out watching the fields roll by. It was especially fascinating staring down the rows of plants, as you would suddenly be able to stare straight down a row for miles with nothing in your way, and then the aisle disappears, becoming lost in the sea of green again. I'm sure there's a metaphor there, but I don't know where it is and I'm not pretentious enough to look for it.

Yesterday was the Final Fantasy concert, which I have a few comments on, and only a few:

- The concert was good because now people are willing to go to The Planets with me.
- I. Hate. One Winged Angel.
- Okay, what part of "formal dress required" did those dipshits in T-shirts and jean shorts not understand? Seriously, people.
- I. Hate. Eyes On Me.
- Uematsu Nobuo is such a ham... but he's an honest, earnest ham. There's something refreshing about that.

And with that, I leave you. I'll rant again after Wednesday and update it each day of E3... I hope. I'm stealing monkey's Cat-5 right now, so who knows.