Daaaannngggg, people. After reading the 'magazine model' thread in the forums, if ya'll think you are ever seeing me in person - you are INSANE.

Piro regularly gets emails asking if I really look like Seraphim. It is usually phrased 'is she REALLY that HOT?' Piro always says (and fully believes) that I am. You know what they say - love makes people blind. Personally, I feel that loves make people stupid. You say tomato, I say tahmahto. But frankly, I am not that hot and I am the first to admit it. We actually have discussions where I insist Piro must add some additional pounds to Seraphim. In my Camera Angles rant, I mentioned I could use some favorable camera angles.

I have always thought that beauty/handsomeness is a simple equation that depends on varying amounts of distance, lighting, and level of intoxication. It's a tale as old as time - "he saw her across a crowded room". The distance variable is obvious, what is implied is the fact that it is a dimly lit, smoky room and he's had a few. The equation is Further Darker Drunker = Better Looking. Or:

F D I = BL.

It's part chemistry and part physics. I used to have another factor in the equation but the math got too complicated. Everybody on the other side of the room always looks better. But get them in front of you in a well lit area while you are stone cold sober... Whoa, what were you thinking?

None of us RL people strongly resemble the characters in Megatokyo but Seraphim is probably the closest since Fred changes the hairstyle and glasses to match what I do wear.

Seraphim is actually a better representation of the RL me when I first met Piro six years ago. I was thin, young, trendy, and out there. Piro was the exact opposite - deck shoes, chinos, button down collars, and a 5 dollar haircut. I introduced him to sweater vests, a hairstylist, and trendy footwear. For as high as he has risen on the 'coolness' scale - that is how far I have sunk. I'm not trendy anymore but I am comfortable!

(Disclaimer - the following is not to be construed as a pity party - I know I'm the luckiest person alive).

Things have changed drastically for Piro and I since the beginning. The first real sign was at the time of the "What's with the knee brace" comic. A little Real Life sneaking into comic land. My knee had suddenly swollen up like a soccer ball. Finally, after a year or more of going to the doctor with fatigue and malaise and other invisible complaints (like pain), I had a visible symptom.

All the doctor had ever done for me was ask what illicit street drugs I was taking, how much alcohol I was consuming daily, and then she would prescribe NASAL spray. She was freaking crazy for nasal spray. Freak. I had the good fortune to be scheduled with another doctor who looked at the x-rays and blood work and diagnosed a chronic autoimmune disorder. Unfortunately, he left the practice soon after, but I also had the good fortune to require the services of a maxillofacial surgeon who I truly believe saved my life in more ways than one.

He is the one who finally got me in to see the elite field of specialists who treat my disorders. There have been many days where I couldn't walk 50 feet without collapsing, but Fred is there to carry my bag, schlep along side me at my decrepit pace, and sit with me when I need to rest (all while working full time and doing Megatokyo).

As the wheel of fortune turns, having been at the bottom, I can tell we are slowly headed up again. It's still hard for me to reflect on the person I was back then – both physically (appearance, endurance, strength) and personality. Sometimes you can only see what has been lost along the way. Even though I don't agree with the idealized, perfect images of females (including Megatokyo characters), I actually like Fred's representation of Seraphim. It gives me a chance to see out of the corner of my eye what I can't bear to look at straight on - myself before I became ill. Yes, a lot has changed but at least I haven't lost my sassy attitude.

What started out as a funny rant just started to seem false, although, the 'magazine model' thread WAS cold. I don't want to get anyone down. I have been very lucky - most times it takes many, many more years for people to get correctly diagnosed and start treatment for this. I also have Piro, who has unfortunately gotten more than he ever bargained for.

I do hope to make it to some cons sometime soon when I have the energy to travel again. They are big, crowded, dimly lit rooms - all the better for a high BL rating!